


Importance

by Ohsoverysensible



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Heir of Fire, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I am caught between a rock and a hard place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5810056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohsoverysensible/pseuds/Ohsoverysensible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her stomach turned just to think of him. Her heart started to pound if she heard his name, if she dared say it aloud. She missed his presence, but sometimes hated him...</p><p>Celaena just wasn't sure whether this description fit Chaol Westfall, or Rowan Whitethorn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Importance

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I HAVE ONLY READ UP TO HEIR OF FIRE :)

Celaena winced as she left sleep behind, waking to that same steady warmth, that same ache in her body. She worried she would never recover, that the burn out had done some irreparable damage to her limbs. To her blood. She could remember feeling it boil in her veins, drenched in sweat, burning from the inside out...

She winced again and closed her eyes against the far too recent memory. Her lips were dried and cracked, but she felt a sheen of sweat across her brow and on her lip. The fire was blazing and she was coated in blankets. How was this meant to help? With a sigh, Celaena did her best to shift her body to the side. She slid her hips, then her shoulders, and finally she managed to roll to the left--

Where Chaol lay.

Her heart leapt to her throat, then back down as she stared at his face. That ruggedly handsome face that she'd spent far too many nights dwelling on. He seemed to be just coming out of sleep, as she had been, and his warm brown eyes were soft as they fell on her. He even gave a gentle smile. "Are you alright?" he asked. Gods, his voice. His damned voice! Rough but molten, like the caramel his eyes sometimes reminded her of. His hair was a disheveled mess, perfectly disordered, but that Captain's strength never left his jaw.

Celaena blinked at him, and her head clouded with something she couldn't name. Her heart was thundering in her ears as he rolled onto his side to face her, worry creasing those brows she watched so often. He was always an open book to her. He had such expressions, so powerful and varying that she would find herself either matching them or smirking at them.

That cloudy feeling in her head kept coming and going as they looked at each other, and when Celaena dared look around the room, she realized what the fogginess was. She was still in Rowan's room, in his bed. This was...

"This is a dream," Celaena sighed. The sound wasn't exactly relieved, but it wasn't exactly sad. She still looked at Chaol with some shred of a frown.

For a moment she thought she was wrong. He looked so sadly taken aback that it wounded her and made her pout for real. Those warm brown eyes looked down for a moment, then he gave a near laugh through his nose. "I was worried that was the case," he mumbled, flicking his eyes back up to hers. "I wish it were my dream then. Maybe you would be looking at me with more joy."

Celaena knew somewhere, vaguely, that his words were her own. Her subconscious being cruel to her. But she just smirked. "You may just be having this dream somewhere else," she said. "Somewhere far away from me."

"I may be," Chaol agreed, inching closer. For some reason, Celaena couldn't move. She didn't feel as sore as she had before, and she could swear her lips were less white and cracked, but she couldn't budge. "You still didn't answer my question," Chaol said, one brow twitching upwards. "Are you alright?"

Celaena opened her mouth, then closed it. She just wanted to look at him. She didn't want to talk, she just wanted to stare, watch him and try to remember what it was like to be filled to the brim with happiness. Chaol looked at her curiously, waiting for her answer, more patient than the real Chaol would have been, more standoffish. "I've been better," Celaena finally told him.

He gave that light, breathy laugh again. "I would be saying the same thing I think," he said. "Somewhere far away from you."

Celaena clenched her jaw hard enough that she could feel it in her temples, and as she watched him, her chest warm and cold at the same time, lines appeared down Chaol's face. Scars shredded into his cheek as he just looked at her with so much...he looked at her like she were his entire world. "What's wrong?" he asked as her eyes went wide.

The marks on his face were from her nails. She could remember the way his skin had felt burying under the beds there, sticking with blood as she saw no one at all. Just an enemy. Just a vile, wicked enemy. But Chaol. Looking at him here, how could he be a threat? How could he be her enemy? Especially when he looked at her like that.

"Stop," Celaena breathed. Her chest felt too heavy, like she couldn't breathe, like a weight was pressing down.

But Chaol reached a hand out with a frown of concern and stroked her hair. She shut her eyes at his touch, but relished in the feel of those calloused fingers. "You're alright," he told her, but when she opened her eyes she saw a dagger dug deep into Chaol's chest. Celaena couldn't scream, couldn't pull away, because her hand was on the hilt. Chaol felt nothing, just looked at her sadly as she tried to release the blade, tried to turn away from him. But her hand was there, wrapped tight around the dagger in his chest, the amethyst ring shining in the firelight.

"Celaena," Chaol breathed. He moved closer. She could feel his warmth. "I love you."

Celaena yanked away, her hand coming loose, and she rolled with fury to the other side of the bed--

And opened her eyes to a new face. Her heart was hammering, and she realized she hadn't moved at all. She hadn't rolled away from Chaol, but had rolled towards someone else. Someone who had taken care of her since she burnt out. Right, yes, she remembered. She wasn't in Adarlan. She wasn't in her own quarters in her own bed. Chaol was somewhere far away from her.

And Rowan was here.

He was laying on his back stiffly, his head just barely tilted towards hers, and his eyes were closed in a soft slumber. The sharp lines of his face, the clean-shaven jaw and incredible cheekbones, were such a contrast to Chaol's wide, simple shape. Celaena could just see the elegant designs of Rowan's black tattoo snaking its way along his neck, over his face, and even though she felt like her heart was louder than a drum he didn't stir.

Celaena's body was sore and stiff once more, her lips cracked, her head heavy, and she gave a sigh. Chaol's smile, his deep brown eyes, were still there behind her eyelids. As was the image of her hand on that dagger. She could have done that in reality, she realized. He could be dead right now because of her. But instead, he'd sent her away to keep her safe. She'd tried to kill him, and all he did was love her.

Celaena fought against tears as she curled up a bit more under the heavy blankets, bringing her hand to her face as she rested it on the pillow, and there was the amethyst ring. It didn't sparkle as much as it had in the dream, but it was there and precious and _poison_ to her. She could hardly stand the sight of it but knew she would ache for it if she took it off, and somehow she felt Chaol would know if she took it off. The man that had taken that ring from a fancy party, just to give it to the assassin that wasn't allowed to attend, seemed a completely different person to her now. That assassin seemed to be gone, too.

"Are you alright?"

Celaena almost jumped, but she kept the surprise buried and simply looked up at Rowan's face. He hadn't opened his eyes, hadn't even moved. If anyone else were looking at him, they'd assume someone else had spoken. He looked completely asleep to the world.

She didn't answer him, just stared at his picturesque, terrifying beauty for a moment before deciding  _not_ to answer. But then those lids pulled back, and his flashing green irises met hers. "Aelin."

"I'm fine," she said. That name always seemed to sting when he said it, even in the most casual of ways, but tonight it did nothing to her already tortured body and mind.

Rowan blinked, just once, and tilted his head a little more towards hers. "You were groaning," he told her.

Celaena was already bracing to snap at him, but he'd been far too good to her the past few days. As good as he could be at least. He still found ways to bark at her, to give her orders, even as she lay bedridden. Finish your food, get some sleep, quiet down. She had a feeling Rowan couldn't be happy without someone to boss around. Still, she couldn't bark back at him, not tonight. Not after that dream.

She fidgeted her fingers and felt the amethyst ring shift on her finger. "Sorry," she said, closing her eyes and making to go back to sleep.

"Where did you get that ring?" Rowan asked. It was the wrong question to pose, especially now, but Celaena kept her eyes softly shut even as the memory ran through her mind.

Chaol had been so sheepish about it...

"It's just a trinket," Celaena said quietly. She could feel Rowan's eyes still on her, and that was the only reason she answered.

But Rowan wasn't stupid, and as he inhaled to speak again Celaena braced for it. But nothing happened. It was silent for a moment, then Celaena finally had to open her eyes just to see what had stopped him. Apparently nothing. He looked just as asleep as he had mere moments ago, and Celaena furrowed her brows as she watched his muscular chest rise and fall. "You're going to believe that?" she heard herself breathe.

"It is none of my concern," he said quickly, softly. "Should you wish to tell me, you may. If it helps."

Celaena wasn't sure it  _would_ help. But. "It was given to me by someone," she said. "Someone important. Or I thought they were."

"Someone you felt was important to you will always be so," Rowan said, surprising Celaena by opening his eyes to look into her own. "Someone who changes you will always be important. Even if that importance shifts or varies."

"I don't know if I want them to have that kind of...power over me," Celaena said, truly a pupil in search of advice from a master.

Rowan looked at her with more kindness than she thought he'd shown before. "You don't always have a choice in that," he said. "But you can either adapt and move on, or let it consume you." His eyes added something he wasn't able to say aloud:  _Believe me, I would know._

 _I'm sorry,_ Celaena told him, another of their silent conversations drifting between their glances.

 _Don't be,_ he seemed to say, and then Rowan closed his eyes once again. But he gave a soft sigh, and Celaena wan't positive, but he seemed to inch himself towards her slightly.

She wasn't sure if he felt it, and she wasn't exactly sure that if he did he would care at all, but she reached out to his long hand as it lay on the bed. She reached out, that amethyst ring feeling lighter than she thought it would, and took Rowan's hand in her own. As she drifted back off into her dreams, hoping for a pleasanter one, she thought she felt Rowan giver her fingers a reassuring squeeze.

 


End file.
